The new year is just getting started, and I'm seeing a consistent worry come through my DMs - one I often see at this time of year: "How will I know if I'm doing enough this year? I find it hard to shake the nagging feeling that I'm not, and I don't want to carry that again."
January tends to do this to us, right? It arrives with all this energy around fresh starts and better plans and feelings about doing things "right." It's a good thing, but in home education - where we carry so much responsibility for our children's learning - that pressure can feel especially intense. So, today, I want to share a perspective on this that I think will help.
The interesting thing about the word "enough" is that it only has meaning when it's paired with something specific. Without context, it's no use.
You wouldn't just ask "Am I strong enough?" You'd ask "Am I strong enough to lift this box?"
You wouldn't just ask "Is this ladder tall enough?" You'd ask "Is this ladder tall enough to reach the garage roof?"
You wouldn't just ask "Is this food enough?" You'd ask "Is this food enough to feed the number of people we have coming to dinner?"
The same principle applies (or, should apply) to education. You wouldn't just ask "Am I doing enough reading?" You'd ask "Am I doing enough reading to understand this topic that interests me, at the level of depth I want to go to?".
You wouldn't ask "Are we doing enough math?" You'd ask "Are we doing enough math to handle our daily needs, to solve the problems we're commonly running into, and to pursue the interests we have?"
See the difference? Without that second part - without the "for what" - we're left measuring ourselves against some vague, shifting standard that changes depending on what we saw someone on social media doing that day or who we talked to last. Without the second part, you will never get a real, objective handle on whether or not you're doing 'enough'.
So let's flip this around. Let's get clear on what "enough" actually means for your family.
First, sit down with your children and have an honest conversation about what matters to all of you going into the year. Yes, with your children - they need to be part of this conversation. Take out a piece of paper (tactile is good) and start exploring together:
- What kind of life do you want to create together? Not just academically, but holistically?
- What skills and qualities would help your children navigate their world with confidence?
- What problems do they want to solve? What excites them about the future?
- What kind of relationships do you want to nurture - with each other, with learning, with the world?
- How do you all want to feel during your days together?
- What values matter most to your family?
- What unique gifts and interests does each child want to develop?
Ask yourselves as many questions as you can that feel meaningful to your family. Write it all down. Let it be messy. Let it be real. These are goals, but they're also your family's compass points.
Now, look at your last week or month. Really look. What's actually happening in your days? Where do you see movement toward these goals? Now, write that down.
But - and this is crucial - if you're not seeing enough movement toward what matters most to your family, that's important to know. Not to make you feel guilty, but to give you a data point you can use to make change. If it's clear there's a gap between your aspirations and your daily reality, you have two choices: adjust your goals and expectations, or make concrete changes to bring your days more in line with what you all want to work towards.
Some questions that might help, as you work through this:
- What activities consistently light your children up? How could you create more space for these, or variations of them?
- Where do you see your children losing track of time in positive, focused engagement?
- Where do you see your children losing track of time in disconnected, passive ways?
- What challenges have they tackled recently that made them proud?
- What questions are they asking? What problems are they trying to solve?
- How are they growing in their relationships and emotional intelligence?
- What new interests or skills are emerging?
- Where do you see them taking initiative or showing independence?
In my own journey, the days that feel like "not enough" are usually the ones when I'm letting someone else's measuring stick determine my family's success. But when I clear away those external expectations and look at what's actually happening - the growth, the discoveries, the connections being made - I usually find we're doing more than enough of what we need.
Another way to think about this: a tree doesn't worry if it's growing enough. It simply grows according to its nature, responding to the conditions around it. Some seasons bring visible growth, others are for developing strong roots underground. Both are essential. Both are enough.
Your children are always growing. Sometimes in ways that are obvious and measurable, sometimes in ways that are subtle but still profound. Your job isn't to force that growth into someone else's timeline or pattern. It's to create the conditions where natural growth can happen. To watch closely for things that might be preventing that growth, and to clear them out.
So the next time that "not enough" feeling creeps in, try this:
- Pause and ask yourself: Enough for who? By whose standards? Yours, or actually...someone else's?
- Look back at your goals. Are you moving toward them?
- Notice what's actually happening, not just what's being "done" (because a life well lived isn't about a series of formal 'learning' boxes being ticked).
- Remember that growth isn't always visible - sometimes the most important work happens beneath the surface.
And, perhaps most importantly: trust that you know your children better than any curriculum, any expert, any social media feed ever could. You see their whole journey - not just the highlights, not just the measurable or shareable bits, all of it.
That deep knowing? That's another compass. It will guide you better than any external concept of "enough" ever could. Because when you're clear on what your true goals are, live days that are aligned to them, are present with your children, and are working hard to create space for real growth to happen...that's not just enough.
It's everything.
Talk soon,
Issy.