I was answering a few questions on socials recently, but had such a big flood of one particular type that I felt it deserved a longer, more considered response. That question theme was best summed up by this one:
First things first: take a deep breath and remember that you are not alone in this. Every homeschooling parent I know, ever, has gone through doubt after facing criticism and concern at some point.
And that’s…a lot of parents.
There are about 4 million homeschoolers in the US. That’s ~7% of school aged children (not far off the percentage who go to private schools, which floats around the 10% mark).
In Australia, there are twice as many homeschoolers as there were in 2018. Same goes for New Zealand.
The UK saw a huge surge in homeschoolers during covid, which everyone predicted would drop back. It never did. That ‘surge’ is now permanent, with yet another increase coming last year.
So I say again. You. Are. Not. Alone.
But I get that sometimes it feels that way, so I want to give you a bundle of things that will help. Because it’s never just one thing, in my experience. It’s about having a toolkit to draw from. Different times, different questions, different situations, and different feelings…they all need different tools.
So, in no particular order, here’s a stack of tactics and strategies you can pick and choose from depending on what suits. On what you need. Some of them will involve effort and work, but worthwhile things usually do.
(By the way, while this won’t help with the worry directly, it’s important to start by understanding where that outside concern and criticism is coming from. I spoke about it in this episode of my podcast - the yellow house analogy - so if you’ve never heard that you'll find it useful.)
- Remember your 'why’: When the doubt hits you, go back to your reasons for choosing this path. Was it to provide a more personalised education? To nurture your child's unique talents? To escape the pressures of relentless standardised testing? To embrace time, and togetherness? Whatever your reasons, they are real, and nothing anyone else says can change that. Even if they don’t believe that your ‘why’ is valid, and go as far as saying that, it shouldn’t change it. Developing a deep, deep strength in your convictions (which always starts with why) should be something you give a fair bit of time and energy to. Without it, a small off-hand question can build into a big worry. The second part of my self-paced course digs into this, and helps you develop a why that is unique to you, so if you’ve never worked through that process take a look. This is the foundation of having confidence in your decision. Without a strong why, you'll always feel a bit rocky.
- Arm yourself with knowledge: The more confident you are in your decision, the easier it becomes to face criticism. This is really a continuation, or a deepening, of your why - all the hard data behind it. Look into the current state of education in a way that's relevant to you, your family, and where you live (remember that statistic about the teenage math test results here in New Zealand that I shared a few weeks ago?), interesting talks and research on child development and learning, university pass rate trends, success stories from other homeschoolers…anything and everything that’s meaningful to you. Knowledge isn't just power - it's armour. You don't have to dedicate your life to becoming an authority on anything and everything to do with education, but you should at least be able to back up your 'why' with something tangible. It'll do wonders for your confidence.
- Set boundaries: Your decision to homeschool is not an open invitation for everyone to weigh in on your parenting. It's okay - no, more than that, necessary - to draw a line in the sand. To say, "This far, and no further." It's okay to tell people, even family members, that their constant criticism is not helpful or welcome. It’s not about being confrontational. It’s about protecting your peace, your resolve, and most importantly, your children from the corrosive effects of constant negativity. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your parenting decisions. Your family, your choices, your journey. Yes, I know this can be hard. But is it as hard as having your confidence constantly chipped away at?
- Find your tribe: If you can, and if you want to, connect with other homeschooling families. Having a support network of people who get it can be incredibly validating and empowering. If there are local groups where you are (because there aren’t everywhere), and if you jive with those local groups (because you don’t always), great. But if not, find an online one that matches your style. There are a LOT out there. This is my Facebook group - feel free to join, and share your doubts, worries, fears any time…it’s a wonderfully supportive group of people, and I moderate posts to prevent it from going too crazy and flooding timelines. if you're in a state of worry right now, go and submit a post there. I can almost guarantee it will be a calming balm for you.
- Reframe the criticism: Like the podcast episode I shared earlier digs into, criticism often comes from a place of misunderstanding or fear. When your aunt expresses concern about socialisation, or your old college buddy wonders about academic rigour, try to see it not as an attack but as their own internal battle coming to the surface. They're trying to reconcile their life decisions with the path you've chosen to walk. That can be hard. Even confronting, if they have their own insecurities. Which, ironically, is where some of the most defensive, insistent arguments from aunts and college buddies come from. So, you can also see all this as an opportunity. An opportunity to share the beauty and potential of living a life without school with someone who doesn't really understand. Your patience and willingness to engage might not change everyone's mind, but it could plant seeds of understanding that grow over time. Especially if it's clear you've done your research. Remember - most people never dig very deep into all this. School is the path, and that's how it goes. This is all new, and a bit scary for them (if only they'd say it that way rather than through defensiveness though, huh?).
- Practice self-compassion: On those days when doubt really starts to push its way in, when the weight of responsibility feels extra heavy on your shoulders, be gentle with yourself. Homeschooling is a journey, often one involving twists and turns we didn't expect. It's okay to have moments of uncertainty. It's okay to question, to wonder, to worry. These feelings don't make you weak; they make you human. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd offer a dear friend going through something hard. You're doing something extraordinary, something challenging. You deserve your own compassion.
- Focus on the results: Anchor yourself in the tangible. Pay attention to your child's growth, their sparks of curiosity, the light in their eyes when they grasp a new concept. Notice their happiness, their learning, their growing confidence, autonomy, and self-belief. These are the real fruits of your labour, living validation of your choice, and will always speak louder than any criticism. A note here, though - if you’ve listened to a few of my podcast episodes, you’ll know the concept of ‘progress’ is something I’m pretty hot on. Not in the traditional academic sense, but progress that’s tailored to your child. If you don’t know what that is, or at least what it might ideally look like for them, that’s an important place to spend some time. Otherwise, you'll default back to focusing on typical school-centric results and that won't be helpful.
- Develop a thick skin: This one takes time, but I promise you'll eventually notice your sensitivity to others' opinions diminishing. Your confidence in your choices will grow, especially if you’re clear on what ‘progress’ and ‘success’ look like for your children. Eventually, criticism that once felt like a dagger will bounce off you like water off a duck's back. This resilience is a gift - not just in your homeschooling journey, but in life.
- Have some responses ready: Words often fail us in the heat of the moment. We get tongue-tied, and then frustrated we couldn't articulate what we know and feel. So prepare. Arm yourself with a few calm, confident responses to common criticisms or questions that make you uncomfortable. Practice them. Own them. Let them become part of you. Even just something like "We've researched this extensively, and 100% believe it's the best choice for our family" can go a long way. Delivered with a smile and solid eye contact, it can be enough to end a conversation on the spot (or start one, if you're feeling up to it).
A final word: You don't need to convince everyone. You probably don't even need to convince anyone. It’s not your job to make others understand or approve of your choices. Your job is to do what's best for your child. You're not seeking universal approval. You're seeking what's right for your family, what aligns with your values, what serves your children's needs. Keep your eyes on that prize.
No, it's not always going to be easy. There will be days when the doubts feel almost overwhelming, when you wonder if you're doing the right thing. But those doubts? They're not a sign of weakness. They're a sign that you care deeply about your child's education and future. They're a sign that you're thoughtful and conscientious. Embrace them, examine them, learn from them - but don't let them derail you. Because every time you stand firm in your decision in the face of criticism, you're not just defending your choice. You're modelling for your children what it looks like to think independently, to make unconventional choices, and to stand by your convictions. That lesson alone is invaluable.
So the next time someone raises an eyebrow at your choice to homeschool, or your mother-in-law makes that thinly veiled comment about maths, or you find yourself lying awake at night wondering if you're doing the right thing, remember this:
You're part of a movement that's challenging outdated notions of what learning should look like. You're helping revolutionise education, one family at a time. You're brave, you're resourceful, and you're giving your children an incredible gift.
Stand tall, because you should be proud of yourself.
Talk soon,
Issy.