Struggling with gaming limits? Read this 👀

I hear this concern from parents all the time:

"My child used to love drawing, playing outside, reading books. Now, all they want to do is play video games. I try to set limits, but the pull of gaming is just… stronger. I feel like I’m losing them to a world I don’t understand."

If that resonates, you’re not alone. Gaming is designed to be compelling - it taps into the same reward circuits that drive motivation for real-life challenges. When a child beats a level, finds loot, or wins a match, their brain releases dopamine - the same chemical that makes achieving real-world goals feel satisfying.

But here’s where it gets tricky: video games deliver rewards fast. Very fast. There’s always another achievement, another level-up, another shot of satisfaction just around the corner. Compare that to real life: reading a book, practicing a skill, playing a sport, going for a hike to a campsite, training for a half marathon - these things take time and effort before they feel rewarding. So when a child is used to instant gratification in games, the slower rewards of real-world activities can start to feel… dull.

That’s why excessive gaming (more than 3+ hours a day) has been linked to lower academic performance, higher impulsivity, and even increased anxiety and depression. And while moderate gaming (1-2 hours a day) hasn’t been shown to be harmful - and research even suggests it can have cognitive and social benefits - the bigger issue is what gaming displaces in a child’s life.

Because it’s not just about gaming, it’s about the total amount of time spent in a dopamine-heavy screen space. A child who games for two hours (yay, only moderate use) but then watches a movie, an episode of something, and scrolls through some YouTube shorts, is in a constant loop of digital stimulation for hours and hours. That’s when everything offline starts to feel slow and uninteresting in comparison.

So how do you handle it? Here are three places to start:

1️⃣ Shift from restriction to replacement

Instead of just saying “Less gaming”, focus on “More of something else.” What real-world activity could provide challenge and reward similar to gaming? Martial arts, coding, competitive board games, music, rock climbing, skateboarding, woodworking, filmmaking, designing their own games, parkour, cooking, animation, robotics, speedcubing, running their own D&D campaign, archery, astrophotography, wilderness survival skills, stand-up comedy, fashion design, restoring old tech, 3D printing, gardening, drone racing, pottery, metalworking, songwriting, forensic science kits, theatre improv, building their own mini escape rooms, and a THOUSAND other things. Kids thrive when they have something to level up in real life. Give them something to master, something to get lost in, something that rewards effort and persistence just like gaming does (but with dopamine hits that are harder to earn, and far more satisfying in the long run).

​Will they resist because it feels hard? Probably.

Will it be worth helping them push through that? Categorically.

2️⃣ Set the right kind of limits

Research has continually showed that strict ‘screen bans’ don’t work - they only increase resistance. Instead of focusing on time limits, set event-based boundaries. Example: “After we’ve spent the morning doing x, y, and z, you can play for an hour.” Or: “We’ll keep gaming for weekends only - we’ll fill our weeks with all sorts of other things, and go all-in on that gaming space on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon. Maybe I could play a couple of rounds with you?”. This shifts gaming from default entertainment to something earned by doing genuinely hard and rewarding things with the majority of their time. And when you layer in openness and togetherness, you’re showing them: ‘It’s not that I hate this - I just want to make sure it doesn’t become the only thing that matters.’

3️⃣ Keep total screen time in check

Gaming in and of itself isn’t an enemy. But if a child is spending 5+ hours a day across screens - and if you’ve heard my tech episode, you’ll know the daily average for teenagers is over EIGHT hours and for tweens it’s over FIVE - then they’re almost certainly missing out on crucial real-world experiences. Think about the whole picture: if they’re gaming for two hours, are they switching the tech off after that or staying in it? Are they getting the opportunity to be bored sometimes? Because while boredom can feel uncomfortable, it also fuels creativity and problem-solving. The key is balancing that digital time with the analogue world around them.

None of this should feel like it’s making gaming a villain. It should be about making sure it doesn’t become the only thing they’re really motivated to do.

The main thing to understand is that gaming isn’t just ‘a fun hobby’ - it’s engineered to be immersive, to keep kids hooked, and to make real-life activities feel slow in comparison.

So, this weekend, I’m breaking it all down - the brain science, the research, and some real solutions for parents like us. Why gaming feels more gripping than books or TV. How it rewires motivation, impacts focus, and even changes emotional resilience. And most importantly, what you can do to bring balance back without constant power struggles.

And yes, all of this can be backed by research - there are many studies to lean on that show exactly how different levels of gaming affect kids’ brains, motivation, and attention spans. If you want the science (without reading dry research papers), and some really tactical help, this is one you won’t want to miss.

(oh, and yes - I’ll be addressing what seems to be a very common question these days: “But my child says they’re training to be a pro-gamer - should I treat their gaming like a sport?")

Talk soon,
Issy.