Why your child never goes deep on anything (and what to do about it)

A common theme has been coming through your questions, recently - and it’s around struggling to get your kids to engage with things at depth. To get them...interested in anything.

I know exactly what this feels like. You’ve tried exposing them to new things. You’ve given them space, freedom, opportunities. But...nothing seems to stick.​

They dabble. They move from one thing to the next. It feels like they’re miles away from developing a passion, or any real mastery in something.

And so you start wondering:

Are they just not wired for passions or deep interests?
Have I missed a window to nurture their curiosity?
Am I supposed to be doing something more?​

First, you need to hear this:

Your child isn’t missing some magical “deep interest” gene. Some kids show more passion and interest in things earlier (or more easily) than others, but that’s not the same as being 'born passionate.'

Passion is a process, not a given trait. And it is absolutely something you as a parent can help your child develop. If they never engage beyond the surface, it’s usually because of one (or a combination) of these five things:

1️⃣ They’ve never actually needed to stick with something.

We often just assume that kids will go deep when they find the right ‘thing’. But depth isn’t just about interest, it’s about persistence. And persistence is a learned skill.

If a child never has to push through frustration - if they can always switch gears with an easy out the second something gets slow or difficult - then why would they ever do the hard thing? Which going deeper into something often is. And mastery most definitely is.

What you need to do is change your thinking from “I need to help them find the perfect interest” to “I need to help them experience the satisfaction of persistence, over and over again”.

That could mean finishing something that got frustrating or pushing through a challenge just long enough to see progress. What it is matters less. Because once they feel that reward, they’ll start looking for it in other places (seriously, they will - there are powerful neurological drivers at play here).

2️⃣ They don’t feel like they have permission to go all-in.

Even when home educating, in an environment that’s custom built for it, many kids hesitate to fully immerse themselves in something.

Why? Because most children have been at least somewhat conditioned to believe that:

• It’s better to be well-rounded than obsessive.
• Interests should be productive or useful or practical.
• Passion is fine, but balance is better.

So instead of letting themselves get truly lost in something, they hover. They hesitate. They move on before they get too deep.

It’s up to you to show them that deep immersion is a good thing. That interests don’t need to be “useful.” That getting lost in something niche or impractical is great. If your child suddenly fixates on something that feels unimportant to you? Don’t redirect them. Fuel it.

The topic doesn’t matter. The process of deep engagement does.

3️⃣ They don’t have the right kind of challenge.

​If a child keeps bouncing between things, it could be because the challenge level is wrong.

Too easy? They get bored.
Too hard? They feel lost and give up.

Deeper engagement happens in the sweet spot where something is just hard enough to require effort (with the reward that comes from that), but not so overwhelming that they can’t see a way forward.

Instead of switching activities, try adjusting the challenge level.

If they get bored, add layers of complexity.
If they shut down, help them find the next small step.
If they struggle with open-ended projects, help them set clear goals so they can see progress.

​Again, it's often not about what they’re doing, but about how challenged they feel.

4️⃣ They don’t see depth modelled around them.

This is a big one. Children mimic the level of engagement they see.

If they’re surrounded by surface-level living - quick conversations, passive entertainment, consumption, constant switching between things - then deep engagement will feel unnatural to them.

Ask yourself: when was the last time my child saw me truly immersed in something? Do I model going deep, or is it just something I expect of them and not myself?

Let them see you:

Sticking with something past frustration.
Going deep into a topic just because you love it.
Engaging in something with zero expectation of productivity.

​Depth will start feeling normal when they see it lived out in front of them.

5️⃣ They’re emotionally or physically depleted.

Sometimes life hits a season that’s a bit harder. Where family life is a bit more stressy than it normally is, or you have a run of sickness, or it’s mid-winter and everyone’s energy is just a bit off. Or, maybe they’re struggling with something they haven’t put into words yet. Deep engagement requires energy. And if a child is exhausted, anxious, overwhelmed, or just a bit flat, their brain isn’t going to seek out depth. It’s going to seek out comfort and regulation.

So just ask yourself...

​Are they well rested?
Are they stressed about something unrelated?
Do they feel secure and supported in what they’re doing?​

Because before we can expect deep engagement, they have to have the energy for it.

So what now? If your child never seems to go deep on anything, it’s almost certainly not because they can’t. It’s just because the right conditions haven’t been in place yet. And those conditions are all things you can make an impact on.

​This post really just scratches the surface, there’s SO much more to explore here. There’s a heap of great brain science and research we can lean into that will a) help you understand your child better from this interest/depth/passions perspective, and b) give you a set of really helpful tools to coach and guide them with. So, that’s what I did in this Collection episode. Based on my research, I dug into:

• Why some kids develop deep passions early, and others don’t (as well as what you can do about it).
• How to help your child develop persistence without nagging, bribing, or forcing it.
• How to find out what’s really holding your child back if they never go deep on anything.
• Why “just let them explore” doesn’t work for some kids, and what to do instead.
• The one shift that will instantly make deeper engagement and interest more likely (one that most parents overlook).

But to sum up here, for now...

Your child is wired for depth.

They can develop deep interests and mastery.

​If it hasn’t happened, it’s not because they’re incapable. It’s just that the right conditions aren’t in place.

Yet.